Wie trivial doch manche Dinge erscheinen..

..wenn man sie in Beziehung zu anderen, größeren globalen Problemen setzt. Wie zum Beispiel den Konsequenzen des Klimawandels.


Sollte dieser immer noch nicht als eine unwiderrufliche Tatsache verstanden worden sein, dann benutzte man bitte das Werkzeug, was einem zwischen den Ohren sitzt und beschaffe sich erstmal ein paar Informationen.

Der Klimawandel ist ein Phänomen, was mehr beinhaltet als auf den ersten Blick offensichtlich zu sein scheint.. Vorallem ist hierbei festzuhalten, dass die Schwelle, an der man die Erderwärmung um weitere 2℃ noch aufhalten kann, beinah überschritten ist. Was das für Folgen hat und haben kann, werden jedoch kaum die dafür verantwortlichen Menschen zu spüren bekommen (die, die sich heutzutage zu den glücklichen Ü40/5ern zählen können.. Ja, ich habe glücklich gesagt!) sondern die darauf folgende/n Generation/en… die, die jetzt zur Schule gehen,oder gerade erst das Licht der Welt erblickt haben.. und es folgen stürmische Zeiten. Unglaubliche Zeiten. Und wir sind hier in keinem Science Fiction Drama.. nein, das ist die Realität. Die täglich um uns herum passiert. Zu der jede/r Einzelne einen Beitrag leistet.

„Es ist als ob wir 400.000 Hiroshima Atombomben abfeuern, jeden Tag! 365 Tage im Jahr!“




Das Spiel mit der Angst..

In unserem Land ist es ein dutzend mal wahrscheinlicher sich selbst umzubringen, als umgebracht zu werden. Trotzdem haben wir letztendlich vielleicht davor Angst.
Angst bedeutet Fight or Flight-Mode, begrenztes logisches Denken. Angst bedeutet auch sich machtlos und hilflos fühlen. Ausgeliefert. Es hilft nur Attacke oder Flucht.

Ich schreibe dies aus meiner persönlichen Sicht..

Angst-Phantasien schaukeln sich immer mehr auf. Obwohl tatsächliche Gründe fehlen, haben wir Angst. Wir entwickeln Angst aufgrund von Dingen die wir hören, lesen oder sehen, vieles davon in den Nachrichten. Es wird immer mehr. Und es ist beunruhigend.
Ich weiß wovon ich rede, Angst ist schlimm.. Es lähmt, es scheint alles sehr real. Ich habe lange Zeit eine Angststörung gehabt und kann mich wahrscheinlich gut hinein fühlen,.. Ich habe mich viel damit beschäftigt, wo es bei mir herkommt, wie es aber auch im Gesellschaftlichen Zusammenahng steckt.
Wir haben Angst vor dem Unbekannten, vor Terroranschlägen, und vor Krankheit.. Und das wird immer mehr. Wir haben auch Angst davor, alt zu werden und unseren Job zu verlieren. Aber diese Ängste sind vermutlich nicht ganz so akut..

Ein paar Fakten zur Angst habe ich in einem Zeitungsartikel des Südkuriers gefunden.

Es ist sehr wahrscheinlich an einem Schlaganfall, Herzinfarkt, an Krebs oder an einem Autounfall zu sterben. Auch bei einem häuslichen Unfall ist das Risiko noch relativ hoch.

Sogar die Wahrscheinlichkeit vom Blitz getroffen zu werden, ist 1,13-mal größer als die, Opfer eines Terroranschlags zu werden. (Quelle: © SÜDKURIER GmbH 2017 )


Bild: Da Jo (Facebook)


How do you feel?

Hold on for a moment. Stop in your busy day to day life and take a minute.

Only one minute. Focus on your breathing. On how your breath draws in and out.

Breathe in deeply, through your nostrils, into your lungs, into your abdomen.

And then hold it for a second. Just a brief pause. Before you..

Follow it out again. Maybe you even breathe out through your mouth.. and let go.

Feel your lungs contracting, your abdomen shrinking, your shoulder relaxing.

And then repeat. Do it a couple of times.

Maybe you focus on your thoughts as well, and notice where you are right now..

What are you thinking about?

On being a woman.

‚What do you like about being a women?‘, I’ve been asked a little while ago.

I wouldn’t be able to come up with an answer straight away.. There was nothing really I could think of. So I thought of some things like: ‚we can use make up and wear nice clothes and be more sensitive then men.‘

But even that wasn’t completely true for me, as for a long while I refused to buy any new clothes or make up (because of ecological reasons and whatever excuses..)

Just because I wouldn’t accept my desire and wish to buy some new things.
Meeting my own needs and following my desires weren’t practices I was good at.

Instead I would wear my old clothes that I inwardly hated and go out without any make up, although I was of the opinion that I looked bloody tired and *sorry* Shit!
Not really self-loving, Is it?

Just recently I started to buy a lot of new fancy and colorful clothes, using make up again when I felt like using it. Of course vegan and sustainable. I found many second hand shops that had super nice clothes, especially dresses.
I told myself big time in the past that I don’t like dresses, which wasn’t actually true.
I also told myself that I don’t like pink, which wasn’t true either!

Shortly after I found out about that, I bought a new phone case and headphones in pink.
I even bought jewelry. Rings and necklaces, I received earrings as a gift.
And you know what? I LOVE them! I love wearing them!

After experiencing this change, I was quite interested in finding out more.. What else did I just forget or not allow myself to experience?

Moreover, acknowledging that being a woman is even more than that opened my eyes completely.  Being a woman means to receive more than give. It means to feel into your body more than just „act as you should“. 

It is being intuitive. It is being receptive. It is being warm and loving with yourself.

Being a woman also means being more emotional than I was most of the time.. and this refers me to my answer given earlier.. I also thought that being more sensitive is actually more of a disadvantage than it is a positive.

Why the hell did I just forget or deny all those gifts? Why have I not learned to act and be just naturally feminine? I think there has been a lot of guilt and shame related, it just didn’t come from „nothing“.. But I’ve never questioned my behavior.

I thought this is normal. I sometimes thought, ‚Hm, other women are quite different..‘ But this is just me. I always felt different, didn’t I?

Yes I did! Which was for several other reasons, but perhaps because I have been bullied at school, which was traumatic. They told me I was fat and ugly. For too many years. (I might have picked up some beliefs from my family  as welk. Not too sure about that…)

It was horrible. I didn’t wanna go to school. I just wanted to look as all the pop stars on TV looked like. I wanted to be beautiful and flawless. I just wanted to be accepted and loved. Not only by the people at school and on the school bus, but also by my family. I needed to be seen and heard, as the little girl that I was. With my sorrows and fears and issues I had at that time.. The little girl who desperately wanted to be older.. To be stronger than all these other kids. To just be able to leave school.
And sometimes this little girl just didn’t want to be a girl anymore.

I do remember when I was about 7 or 8, I imagined how I will look like as an 18 year old .. (I sometimes even doubted to ever reach this age.. maybe I will die before that), and what my dad told me what I better don’t look like.. ( which was fat and ugly )

So the story unfolded and I grew taller and everyone saw me being not so Chubby anymore, they thought that I lost weight.. They even praised me for loosing weight and looking better. With they I mean my family and most of the people I cared for (or at least cared for their opinion).

Although everyone else seemed to like my changed outward appearance, I still didn’t liked my body. I didn’t liked the way I looked. I was still ugly in my own perception..

It’s been a long road and a process of change and awareness from where I was a couple of years ago to where I am now.

There has been an even more painful period in between, where I just rejected my body, wouldn’t eat much at all and didn’t allow myself any joy, that was how I looked like, too.

I have the aim to move on from that and develop into the direction of self-love, but it certainly takes me a while and a lot of work.

I never stoped being that little girl, I always was and always will be. I can, however, start to be compassionate with her and support her from the point of my adult self in the here and now.

Thanks for being compassionate,



The only way out, is in..

Thank you, Agnes Krown, for your article about ’shame‘. It opened my eyes and made me feel less alone.. instead, it made me feel very normal and instantly I was able to accept myself a bit more.

In my current situation I feel as if I am the only one feeling this way.. and as if it is not alright to feel this way at all. Feeling miserable and ashamed of what I did. Feeling miserable because I did something wrong, because I should have known better…

Yes, the feeling of shame is one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever. Being ashamed of oneself is even more painful.

It’s like I don’t deserve love and affection and compassion, as if I am wrong. Yes, it’s really a powerful self destructive feeling.

It makes me feel as if I have to stay all alone, as if I would not find someone who approves of my feelings and who accepts me for doing something wrong and this might be because: I can’t accept myself, either..

So, here we go.. I cannot accept myself for feeling negatively and low. I can hardly sooth myself.. this is where I start from. This is another thing I am ashamed of, because I often say and also sometimes show that I do approve of my negative emotions. Although, not always, moreover it’s hard.

This leads me to another thing I feel ashamed of, which is that I seem to not always tell the truth and be completely honest and authentic.

I have difficulties to come to terms with not always being happy and easy going. I have difficulties with telling different things to different people.

I would say, at least that is the truth.

I am often judgemental and negative about myself. However, just cheering up doesn’t work ! It just postpones the feeling.

The feeling of shame eventually wants to have its turn. the feeling of doing something wrong and being not worth of love wants to be felt. The feeling has its validity. It has its reason.

It’s not coming out of nowhere and not going to do me any harm (however , that’s what I still believe)

I have to feel it. And therefore I agree, the only way out, is in. (Not the other way around)

I will validate my shame, acknowledge it. I will listen to it and give it attention.

I’ll admit to it. The shame about doing something wrong. Of wasting my time. Of being not always honest. The shame about my body, the shame of having overeaten. My feelings of guilt. The feeling is okay to be there. And when I need to, I will go to a friend who will give me even more validation of my feelings. It’s sometimes so hard to be vulnerable on my own. It makes me feel very small and I still judge myself..

I can tell myself, though, that it is okay to feel that way, after what happened. So it is okay to feel shame after I overate because I didn’t want to throw the food away. And because I didn’t listen to my body. It is okay to feel miserable, because I feel as if I let myself down and didn’t look after myself. It is okay to feel alone with it, because I am alone right now.

I then go into the feeling and where it is located within my body. For shame it is very distinctive.

I feel it in my upper part of the stomach and in my whole belly. It’s a tight sensation, a numbness as well. I am actually ashamed of my body right now.

And that even though there might be a hundred people out there telling me that I look good. I can’t believe it fully..

I feel anxiety as well. (But this is actually another subject)..

What if someone is thinking badly of me for what I write about right now..

yeah, what if…  worries. I worry. I do it sometimes, I admit to it right here and now. It feels good to admit to it and no longer to pretend something else.

Yes I know this post is quite long and probably not what you want to read or expect to read. But this is what’s going on for me right now. This is just writing my heart down and my thoughts..

It helps me to write it down. It has helped me almost all my life. Since I learned how to write. It has also most of my life been that I didn’t want to make mistakes and that I was afraid of being judged or not liked.

It’s not new, that I didn’t like my body. I didn’t like it most of my life and was ashamed of it. I don’t like it the way it looks right now. Because I can see my belly bloated and see the stretch marks on my legs… (yes, sad but true.)

Feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself and my ‚flaws‘ is therefore nothing new.

And I would be grateful if anyone, who reads this article, is also ashamed of something. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.. but I’m pretty sure there is.

Some compassion for yourself and everyone else out there who feels ashamed or shame right now. You are not alone.

(I will now be present with my emotions again, although I already feel better after writing most of it down and therefore acknowledging it.)

Be brave and digg deep.

Love, Jacky

I didn’t give an answer… but now!

Benjamin(TheMellowMindExperience) hat vor ca. zwei Monaten meinen Artikel geteilt, in dem ich 4 Fragen gestellt habe. Und viele weitere haben diese Fragen beantwortet. Habe mich sehr darüber gefreut! 🙂
Leider hatte ich dieser Zeit soviel um die Ohren, dass es nicht der richtige Zeitpunkt war um selbst mal einen etwas längeren Artikel dazu zu verfassen.
Nun bin ich dran, diese Fragen zu beantworten. Ich habe mich dazu entschlossen, da ich ja derzeit in England bin dies auch auf Englisch zu tun.. 🙂

1. What is special about your life?

That I try to be thankful for every single day. Even for every situation that happens. I am constantly searching for the deeper meaning und purpose in life. I write down nearly every morning what I am grateful for. I am actively creating the reality I want to see. I am on the path to follow my desires and my souls purpose, so to speak. I am finding out what I love and go for it. I am growing every week and I embrace it! I think everyone’s life is special, so I have my struggles to particularly state what is so special about MY life. But Life is a journey and I am on the path to find myself more and more. Find out that I am important, figure out what is loveable about myself and my life.

2. To whom would you say I love you to?

To my friends and family. Especially my parents and my sister. I just love them for who they are. To everyone who has supported me and supports me. To the people that went with me through the deepest valleys of my life. To the people I can celebrate my peaks and happy moments with. And eventually, genuinely to myself.

3. What would you like to be remembered for?

I would like to be remembered for being a lovely soul, a person that was of service to others. I would like to inspire people with my story. Being a motivation. I would like to be remembered for having something to share with the world. Being brave and passionate about things. Being different. Being always in motion. I would like to be remembered for being understanding, helping and giving right advice when needed. I would like to be seen as the positive light in someone else’s life. For challenging believes and for recovering from the past, brave enough to face feelings and express them.

4. What is your plan on this earth, in this one precious life?

Going on, always looking outside the box. Meeting many people. Travelling, finding new insights and get to know myself better.. Finally, Finding my plan! 😀

Mach dich nicht klein…

„Und indem wir unser eigenes Licht scheinen lassen, geben wir unbewusst anderen die Erlaubnis das Gleiche zu tun.“ – Nelson Mandela.

Dies ist eines meiner Lieblingszitate. Es stammt aus einer Rede von Nelson Mandela.
Ich finde diese Rede und diesen speziellen Satz sehr ermutigend, denn er hilft mir zu erkennen, dass es nichts mit Hochmut, Überlegenheit oder Arroganz zu tun hat, wenn man stolz auf die eigenen Stärken und Fähigkeiten ist, sich gut fühlt und dies auch zeigt.

Ich muss mich nicht dafür klein machen, dass ich etwas gut kann oder für etwas brenne. Ich muss meine eigene Stärke nicht zurückhalten, nur um andere nicht einzuschüchtern. Ich darf mein Glück und meine Freude vollkommen erleben und sollte es nicht durch Frust oder negative Meinungen oder Gedanken kleiner machen lassen.. Ich darf meine Stärken anerkennen, genauso wie ich es mit meinen Schwächen tue.

Ich darf mich neben all der Schwächen die ich mir recht oft vor Augen halte auch mal über die schönen Dinge erfreuen und sie voll und ganz auskosten. Meine eigenen Glücksmomente.. 🙂

Es hilft mir manchmal auch, mich an Situationen erinnern, wo es jemand anders zu mir gesagt hat. Denn es kommt auf die Situation an in der man gerade steckt, wie einfach es ist,  zu sich selbst zu sagen, und einzusehen, was toll an mir selbst ist.

Fest steht aber, in jedem von uns schlummert etwas Tolles und liebenswertes. Es ist an uns dies zu erkennen. Wir sind einzigartig und wunderbar. Wir sind hier auf dieser Welt und haben die Aufgabe unser einzigartiges Licht scheinen zu lassen. Ja, wir dürfen das. 😉 
Und wir können damit oftmals auch anderen eine Freude machen!

Nicht vergessen sollten wir dabei allerdings unsere Dunkelheit, unsere Schattenseiten.. auch diese ist es wichtig zu akzeptieren. Sei es nun Angst, Ärger, Wut oder Eifersucht. All das gehört dazu und ist ein Teil von unserem Wesen.. Wenn wir beiden Teilen gleichermaßen Aufmerksamkeit schenken, nur dann kann ein Gleichgewicht entstehen.


Wer schon einmal Akupunktur bekommen hat, weiß vermutlich wie heilsam und hilfreich eine regelmäßige Behandlung sein kann. Mit dieser bestimmten Art der Ohr-Akupunktur kann man Stress abbauen, Ängste und Depressionen reduzieren und Menschen dabei helfen, ihre Abhängigkeit (Sucht) in den Griff zu bekommen. Die Erfolge sind nachweislich und es gibt mitlerweile eine weltweit tätige Organisation, NADA, die Projekte und Einrichtungen unterstützen und vielen Menschen die Möglichkeit geben auch einen Kurs zu besuchen bzw. eine Behandlung zu bekommen. Oft sind es Wohltätigkeitsorganisationen oder Arztpraxen die dies anbieten.

Meine Praxiseinrichtung hier in England bietet diese Akupunktur schon seit einigen Jahren an und es hat einen unterstützenden Effekt zu jeder Art Therapie und Beratung die angeboten wird. Ich habe mich nun auch dazu entschlossen diesen Kurs zu machen, um diese Art der Ohrakupunktur zu lernen und da ich als Praktikantin kein Geld verdiene, eine Fundraising Initiative gestartet. Freue mich über jeden der es teilt oder eine Spende gibt.


Ich habe mir vorgenommen, jedem Spender auch kostenlose Akupunktur zu geben, sofern es mir möglich sein wird. 😀

Alles Liebe,